Domestic violence- it's forms and causes

Different Forms of Domestic Violence in India and their Causes

Domestic Violence Against Women

This form of domestic violence is most common of all. One of the reasons for it being so prevalent is the orthodox and idiotic mind-set of the society that women are physically and emotionally weaker than the males. Though women today have proved themselves in almost every field of life affirming that they are no less than men, the reports of violence against them are much larger in number than against men. The possible reasons are many and are diversified over the length and breadth of the country. According to United Nation Population Fund Report, around two-third of married Indian women are victims of domestic violence and as many as 70 per cent of married women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or forced sex. In India, more than 55 percent of the women suffer from domestic violence, especially in the states of Bihar, U.P., M.P. and other northern states.

The most common causes for women stalking and battering include dissatisfaction with the dowry and exploiting women for more of it, arguing with the partner, refusing to have sex with him, neglecting children, going out of home without telling the partner, not cooking properly or on time, indulging in extra marital affairs, not looking after in-laws etc. In some cases, infertility in females also leads to their assault by the family members. 

Domestic Violence Against Men

There is no question that domestic violence directed against women is a serious and bigger problem, but domestic violence against men is also increasing gradually in India. The supremacy of men in the society makes one believe that they are not vulnerable to domestic violence. Battering of men by their spouse and family members has become a concerned issue and is another form of domestic violence under purview of judiciary. In India, compared to violence against women, violence against men is less frequent but it has already taken a deadly shape in many of the western countries by now.

Males have reported incidences of assault against them like pushing, shoving, slapping, grabbing, hitting which are intended to harm them and also take their lives on many occasions. Recently, hundreds of husbands gathered in Chandigarh and Shimla to voice their opinion for men’s rights and protection against domestic violence subjected to them by their wives and other family members. It reflects the need for a special law for curbing domestic violence against men in present times.

Domestic Violence Against Children/Teens

Children and teenagers in our society are not spared from the evil of domestic violence. In fact, this form of violence is second in terms of number of reported cases after the ‘violence against women’. There is a lot of variation in the form of its occurrence in urban and rural areas and in upper/middle class and lower class families in India. In urban regions, it is more private and concealed within the four walls of homes. The possible reasons could be disobeying parental advises and orders, poor performance in academics or not being at par with other children in neighbourhood, debating with parents and other family members etc. In addition to this, factors like not being socially intelligent or as active as the parents expect them to be, abusing the parents or speaking ill about other family members, not returning home on time are some other factors.

In rural areas the reasons could be harassment for child labour, physical abuse or harm for not following family traditions, forcing them to stay at home and not allowing them to go to school etc. Domestic violence against girls is in fact, more severe at homes. As the common mob mentality of India prefers to have at least one male child after marriage, the girls in most of the occasions are cursed and assaulted for having taken birth in the home. This kind abuse is prevalent both in cities and villages but is more common in latter case. Then there are cases of paedophilia causing sexual harassment of children in homes by family member themselves.

Domesic violence- unspoken

Why do victims stay?

People who are not abused might find it hard to understand why anyone would stay in a violent relationship. Some people think that if a person stays in an abusive relationship, she or he must be weak or needy. This is not true.

There is more to this issue than simply leaving or staying. A woman may fear that the abuser will hurt her and her children or take her children away. She may have limited financial options. She may blame herself. She may stay for religious reasons or because she does not want to break up the family. Also, she may still love her abuser and hope that things will get better. The abuser may threaten self-harm or suicide. Men who are being abused may have similar feelings.

What are the harmful effects of domestic violence?

Domestic violence hurts victims as well as their families. Don't ignore it.

People who suffer from abuse can be badly hurt. They are also likely to have long-lasting (chronic) health problems, such as depression, headaches, and post-traumatic stress disorder. This is because of the repeated injuries and stress from living with abuse.

Abuse can happen more often and get worse when women are pregnant. It is dangerous for both the mother and the baby. It can raise the baby's risk of low birth weight, premature birth, and death. The pregnant woman is at higher risk of problems with her pregnancy.

And abuse has a big effect on children. Children who live in a home where abuse happens see violence as a normal way of life. It also raises their chance of being in a violent relationship as adults, either as abusers or as victims. Teens are at greater risk for depression, drug and alcohol use, and unsafe behavior.

Domestic violence- No more silence

What should you do if you're being abused?

Domestic violence is not just a problem of the lower and middle classes. It is very prevalent even among prominent people. For many it came as no surprise that Aam Aadmi Party MLA Somnath Bharti was involved in a case of domestic violence. The red flags were all there for those who know what to look for.

However, the signs of domestic violence (DV) are not always so obvious and a lot of women don’t report that they’re being abused. Even the woman’s own family is not always supportive at such times, because of the shame and guilt that surrounds such issues. Another concern that women face is how to prove domestic violence in India.

It's important to get help. Talk with someone you trust, such as a friend, a help center, or your doctor. Talking with someone can help you make the changes you need.

Your first step is to contact a local advocacy group for support, information, and advice on how to stay safe. Call the All India Women's Conference 10921/ (011) 23389680

You can also see the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website at www.ncadv.org/resources/StateCoalitionList.php to find the program nearest to you that offers shelter and legal support.

Here are some other things you can do:

• Know your legal rights. Consider asking the police for help.
• Make sure that you know phone numbers you can call and places you can go in an emergency.
• Teach your children not to get in the middle of a fight.
• If you think you may leave, make a plan to help keep you safe. This will help when you are getting ready to leave. Your plan might include:

·    Putting together and hiding a suitcase of clothing, copies of your car and house keys, money or credit cards, and important papers, such as Social Security cards and birth certificates for you and your children. Keep the suitcase hidden in your home or leave it with friends or family or at work if possible.

·         Open a savings account or get a credit card, if you can do so in secret.

·     If you are a teen, talk to a trusted adult, such as your parents, family friend, or school counselor. You can also call the National Teen Dating Abuse (011) 26238466/ 26224042 26227647

Domestic Violence- Be a man

BE A MAN

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we don’t teach our child from very childhood how and why to respect woman. We just would want him to respect his own mother. We would never take it seriously when our child starts showing the first signs of shameless behaviour. Instead we would pride that our laadla beta is becoming so smart. His arrogance is symbol of manliness. His corrupt ways are symbols of his sharpness.

No wonder we are a most corrupt society. We thrive on duplicity. The whole movement against corruption is fundamentally flawed. Because financial corruption is most minor form of corruption. We spend every moment and every aspect of our life drenched in corruption. When we cannot even look at 50% of our population (aka women) without a corrupt thought, how one expects the same breed of criminals to nurture most upright pure-hearted politicians and officials!

We have the political system and political leaders we rightly deserve. We have the corruption and poverty that we deserve. And we have the miseries and failures and frustrations that we deserve much more.

Manu Smriti says that a society that cannot respect women and give them complete liberty is bound to be a haven of scoundrels   where only misfortune abounds.

Vedas say that one who exploits women should be hung upside down and severely thrashed. They further say that to be true humans, we should be sane enough to respect the glory in all women – young or old – like mother.

It is high-time we stop paying lip-service to cause of woman by claiming that our culture regards them as goddess. Let us instead start respecting them as humans first. Let goddess-ization of woman not be a ploy to remove guilt from our lust-driven minds.

Let all who claim to be devotees of Mother Goddess – Vaishno Mata, Durga, Kali, Jhandewalan, Ambe, Jagadambe, Shakti – first come down to the planet earth that we live in, to our country whom we call Bharat ‘Mata’ and to rape-capitals like Delhi. And take concrete actions to make this country a safe place for all woman of all ages at all locations at all hours of day and night instead of wasting time, money and energy in organizing chowkis, jagarans and offering prasads. The crude truth is that such events themselves become hotspots for eve-teasing and ogling at women.

Domestic Violence- ashamed

ASHAMED!

Very honestly, now I feel ‘Ashamed to be Indian’. I am still more ashamed that I live in Delhi. And yet more ashamed that people in this part of the world glorify woman as nowhere else in the world.

Mother Vaishno temple is our number one pilgrim spot. Every other day there is a Bhagwati Jaagaran) and Mata ki Chowki. And then twice a year we shun all liquor, meat, vices for ten days to please motherly woman. We call it Navaratra where we ‘humbly’ respect, feed and gift at least 11 or 21 Kanyas (unmarried girls) with devotion to re-emphasize that we respect woman of all ages in same manner as we respect our mother.

But the moment we see a vulnerable woman, we show our true colors. All that devotion to mother in each woman is over like a fantasy film. And in reality, we turn savages. Now our intellectual and physical faculties are in full throttle to feed our lust. Its only fear of prosecution that is able to control the beast within us. We would ogle if that’s all we can do in public. Or push or touch them in crowd as if it happened by mistake. Scan each woman passing by as if we are appointed to showcase our shamelessness. If we get more opportunities, we would eve-tease. And when even that does not suffice our ever-growing lust, we would turn the capital of country into a rape capital.

And this animal within us is a great commercial opportunity as well. Companies, media, entertainment – all would thrive primarily on one single way of promotion – lust appeal. Motivate each man to give more fire to his lust and motivate each woman to become objects of this lust. The glam-girls and celebrities have lot to earn from this. But in process, they make every common woman in this country of beasts so much vulnerable. And when a shameful incident like this happen, the same commercial agents who thrive on feeding animal-instinct would innocently worry about safety of woman and morality. They would say, “Have lust, but only to that extent that you buy my product or watch my movie!”

Domestic violence?

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Domestic violence is abuse that happens in a personal relationship. It can happen between past or current partners, spouses, or boyfriends and girlfriends. Domestic violence affects men and women of any ethnic group, race, or religion; gay or straight; rich or poor; teen, adult, or elderly. But most of its victims are women. In fact, 1 out of 4 women will be a victim at some point.

The abuser may use fear, bullying, and threats to gain power and control over the other person. He or she may act jealous, controlling, or possessive. These early signs of abuse may happen soon after the start of the relationship and might be hard to notice at first.

After the relationship becomes more serious, the abuse may get worse.

• The abuser may begin making threats, calling the other person names, and slamming doors or breaking dishes. This is a form of emotional abuse that is sometimes used to make the person feel bad or weak.
• Physical abuse that starts with a slap might lead to kicking, shoving, and choking over time.
• As a way to control the person, the abuser may make violent threats against the person's children, other family members, or pets.
• Abusers may also control or withhold money to make the person feel weak and dependent. This is called financial abuse.
• Domestic violence also includes sexual abuse, such as forcing a person to have sex against her will.

Money troubles and problems with drugs or alcohol can make it more likely that abuse will happen.

Abuse is also common in teens who are dating. It often happens through controlling behaviours and jealousy.